what else do i know but painting ...
my earliest memories ...
finding joy, comfort, discovery, peace, sorrow, excitement, and my ‘self’ through painting, drawing, and making things ...
to what end ?
to serve - to be of service - to contribute - to provide something to society, to fulfill a need ...
i always knew that the job wasn’t going to be easy,
and not one that was going to be easy to learn -
the best examples are usually dead tragic heroes ...
or the living wanting,
or the living consumed by their own ego,
or the living insulated, isolated, and aloof ...
the few i knew or know -
just keep working, honing, modifying, and hoping ...
the joy of discovery and accomplishment often offset
by disappointments of translation;
not having been ‘got’,
missing ‘it’ -
coupled with the danger of peer-bound affections ...
the world needs shelter, medicine, fuel, electricity, and food - even stories and music ...
but what once fed the soul seems to be in short demand ...
and maybe it was always that way ...
the peasants didn’t need their church ceilings painted -
but it added to reverence and illustrated a point,
cavemen ‘marked’ their territory and planned their hunt,
the ancients’ homage to deities and glorification of man [or whatever ‘ideals’ suited the plan],
the moderns to illustrate the ineffable or the scope and speed of information [maybe futility and greed - or not] ...
and maybe today, in this short history of art making, its’ about the singularity of purpose under whatever - nothing and everything - the full spectrum of speculation - survival, sustaining, what ...
that ‘unbearable lightness of being’
that thin skin of separation between life as we know it
and what we’ve come to believe ...
maybe art has always been a power tool;
to control, to illustrate, to emulate,
to impress, address, bemuse, or amuse the masses ...
maybe how ‘it’ is used is less important
than finding a use for ‘it’ ...
finding function among stuff;
grease for gears,
fuel for fires -
conscience or meaning ...
i paint or draw everyday -
it defines me ...
it’s never without challenges,
difficulties, technical issues, etc.,
but always unwavering in satisfaction -
such a gift;
one that i could only liken to woodworking, pottery,
and music - a zen experience [chan, quietude] -
perhaps more ...
lately i find myself
between things,
wanting and waiving -
questioning and knowing -
gratitude and despair ...
self indulgence,
to self denial,
still painting ...
