my son Andrew [by marriage not blood], turns twenty today ...
i use the 'blood' reference as a reason to justify our differences - because Lord knows, at twenty, i was everything my father expected me to be - yeah, right ...
he came to America from Paris with his mother when he was ten - leaving the only thing he knew up to that point; a culture that was more conducive to the subtleties and finery's of life, as European metropolitan existence is - a language, education, and social system that is unique even by European standards - and his friends, routines, and strains of his father's estrangement to join me and my family here in somewhat rural Pennsylvania ...
and though love flows with abundance from my family, and i live a relatively cultured life with his mother, it's still nothing similar to what is bred into his genetic code or even familiarity with urban living - it's still more like the wild west than Paris - even NYC, which has its own brand of urban aggressiveness and shallow history - all a bit intimidating and difficult to adjust to - but he embraced it with a 'can do' spirit that his mom instilled in him that i always admired ...
for me, at that time nearly fifty, i had no fathering skills - only vague, and often romanticized memories of growing up and management tools which were often viewed as overly assertive, even among my peers - but what i did have is the stability of my father's unwavering presence, direction, and support - and knowledge of what that generation of fathers did to prepare you for manhood ...
so you teach what you know ...
needless-to-say, my methodology was often met with resistance - which in my kingdom, moved from a dictatorship to democracy in a matter of months - quite an adjustment for all concerned - and a learning experience indeed ...
then we had 9/11, and him being French - he was alienated from peers as much as me being a hippie, musician, artist when i was growing up - only more so i suppose, because of the hypocrisies of the American dream of inclusion and the apparent 'zero tolerance' enforced by rednecks - you can always change your profession but not your blood ... fact is, i empathised and apologized and even thought about re-locating to my wife's origins of Scotland, but the task was greater than our will ...
anyway, we all managed through some horribly tough times; but my heart goes out to Andrew and so many like him of his generation and the challenges they have to adapt to ...
despite the difficulties of our union, i'm grateful for the enriching experiences - but i still go back to some of my father's advice; "if you work hard, long, and smart - things work out" ...
today, we still have disagreements as i expect we always will - and frankly, i'd be disappointed if we didn't - especially with him coming from such a rich heritage of debate ...
but i do realize how overwhelming life can be - i admire his victories but recognize that laurels make a bad foundation, and i understand the trials and disappointments ...
it's all a work in progress - the rest has to do with encouraging commitment, hard work, friendship, communication, spirituality, and dreams ...
a little love improves the journey ...
carpe diem and happiness everyday ...
